Mother’s Day is now past, but being a mom continues! I have to say, it is encouraging to be honored and thanked on Mother’s Day. Although, we all know it is not necessary. We would still continue on.
I was speaking to a woman and told her Happy Mother’s Day. Her response to me was “Thank you, but I have never been a mother.” She went on to tell me that she did have step-children, but no natural born children.
I quickly and adamantly responded….”Happy Mother’s Day!”
Dear Step-Mother’s out there…”Happy Mother’s Day!”
I am a step-mom. I prefer not to call them my step-children, but rather my bonus kids. I raised my bonus kids from ages four and six and let me tell you something….it is the hardest thing I have ever done. EVER!
BUT… I would not change it! Granted, I may not have been the best mom to them as I was young, selfish, and I was pretty sure I knew everything, but I truly love them.
Here is the difference from being a step-mom to a natural-born mom, I choose to love them every day. I do not have to choose to love my own children. It just exudes from me.
I remember the day that I realized the difference. I had just brought our daughter home from the hospital and I was overcome by unconditional love for the little baby I held in my arms. I thought and even said the the older two were just like my own, but at that very moment the realization came crashing down on me. I have to choose to love everyday, just like I choose to love my husband.
Dear Step-Mother: Choose Love!
There will be days of conflict as a step-mom. Lots of them. Truthfully, more often than not. Expect it! But the child is not the enemy or the problem. They did not put themselves in those particular circumstances.
Being a step-mom is the hardest job out there! You have no attachment and no bond of love to be the glue of the mother/child relationship. You have to create it. It is possible. You must consider it a privilege, not a burden or baggage that came with your marriage.
My bonus children are now adults. I have learned many lessons in being their mother. They have taught me to be better. To love more, despite the obstacles. To choose love everyday.
Being a natural-born mother has also taught me many lessons about step parenting. (If you have not been a natural born mother try to consider these.) I cannot imagine someone else taking my role as mom. I also cannot imagine my children having to call someone else mom. If the natural mother is involved, try being an advocate for that mom instead of fighting her every step of the way (unless there are extenuating circumstances, but she is still the child’s mother). If the natural mom is not involved, your children need you that much more! Be an advocate for your bonus children. They need you to stand in a very large gap. I wish I would have realized that many years ago!
Dear Step-Mom, You are making a difference!
Dear Step-Mom, Choose Love everyday!
Dear Step-Mom, Do not give up!
Dear Step-Mom, Happy Mother’s Day….you do deserve it too!
Blessings to all you Step-Mom’s out there!
A message to my bonus kids.
Dear Mallory and Michael,
I consider it the highest privilege and truly a blessing to be your mom! You have taught me so much about being a mother! I love you both so much and am proud of the adults you have become! Although, we had lots of bumps and pot holes in the road, you have overcome one of the greatest obstacles in your life and you have used it to make you better!
I love you! MOM